Who am I? page 2

Middle School:

I was in 6th grade and I still felt fat but I ate chocolate chip cookies all the time during lunch time... even one of my classmates knew that I didn't eat much and was kind of worried about me... maybe this was the beginning when I didn't eat that much rice... if only I ate during this time, maybe I could have been taller, and my brain would have function better and I could have been smarter and not be so slow in comprehending things. so much damage... low-self esteem, and confidence but I didn't know what I was doing to myself during this time... I didn't know anything about health...

I was in 7th grade and  during lunch time, I sat down by the fence watching boys running and playing ultimate frisbee. I felt alone sometimes even though I did hang out with a few friends. Either I was outside or I was in the library. I didn't know where to fit in or be part of a group. I didn't understand where this feeling of being left out was coming from. I didn't understand why there was this dark feeling. Did I feel sad during this time? What made me sad? How did I even do well with all these emotions I couldn't understand? Kind of weird how I had a dark feeling but at the same time, some of my classmates thought I was boy crazy... I watched ultimate frisbee because 2 boys I had a crush on were playing all the time. Then making a comment by saying someone has nice eyes, everyone thought I liked one of the teachers... Yea I guess I was boy crazy and  I was such a weird kid.. weird in a way where I talk to my classmates, but then I also felt so far away from them. Like I felt left out.. I played kick ball too during lunch time..  we had our homeroom kickball team. I remember I dropped the ball while trying to catch it  and some of classmates got mad at me.. some of us were competitive and some of us, maybe we didn't care. I think I was in the middle. I enjoyed kicked ball and it was fun when my homeroom team won some games but then I also felt I wasn't a good player.... I wanted to be in track but then my mom didn't let me. That was tough. I played basketball in fifth grade during lunch time but I didn't play any basketball in middle school during lunch time... maybe there was this insecurity that I wasn't good enough and the other kids were so much better.. insecurity that no boys like me either. where did all these insecurities come from anyway?

This is not done yet... To be continued.......................................